ARLENE’S MUSINGS
“CAN WOMEN HAVE IT ALL: From A Baby Boomer Women’s Perspective”
When I first started working in the “Corporate World”, after a seven year hiatus from school teaching which I spent raising my two sons, I was actually told during my first year Performance Review that “I smiled too much” and therefore would not be taken seriously in the workplace. Imagine my reaction to that comment as I had been so proud of my smile and had garnered great recognition for always being so pleasant and happy. In fact, when I was five years old a neighbor had nicknamed me “Smiley”..
This was my introduction to the corporate world of work dominated by a male orientation which defined acceptable/professional behavior for women.  Another example of this male-dominated culture was the “Dress for Success” philosophy we were teaching women in the workplace at that time. Simulate the way the men dressed, wear un-needed eye glasses to be taken more seriously and absolutely no feminine ruffles.  
Thus, we have come a long way baby from the business world of the 1980’s. Of course, it was way more sexist in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, when you wouldn’t get hired at all or accepted to medical school. Or is it???
The recent viral conversation triggered by the Atlantic magazine article by Ann-Marie Slaughter, former State Department Official for Hillary Clinton and currently a Princeton Professor,  “ WHY WOMEN  STILL CANT HAVE IT ALL?” prompted the following observations:
1. There seems to be a definite generational difference in women’s attitudes from 
“WE WILL GIVE IT THE COLLEGE TRY”, to “YES WE CAN, BY GOLLY” (The Superwomen Syndrome), to “THIS ISN’T FAIR” to “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”
2. Young women today are searching for a career-life model to live by and of, course, there is not one.
Do you start a career and take a leave to raise your children? Do you postpone having a family   to forward your career? Do you raise your family first and then start a career in your 40’s. Of course, there are stellar examples of women following each model and also many pros and cons and consequences for each.
3. What about the issue of equal pay if we do commit to the workplace?  We have gone from making 63 cents on the dollar to 70 cents on the dollar.
4. If you are searching for “Balance” is there really such a thing? 
5. Can we deny that as women, we are “caregivers” and feel a responsibility to our families first? Should we? The examples of women who have done this successfully admittedly have had to rely on supportive husbands and/or nannies. (So, have they really done it?)
6. One writer suggests that we need to have more women in power to change the work rules to accommodate family issues and needs. Is that the answer?
7. Do we even want to HAVE IT ALL?
8. Should we each define for ourselves what it means to HAVE IT ALL?
AS BABY BOOMER WOMEN, WE INVITE YOU TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION.

In response to a recent media debate that was stirred up in response to an article about whether women can actually "have it all," I say bring "it" on! 

Women have an inborn capacity to take on more than most men deem possible. From pioneer women who plowed the fields to those who broke through the glass ceiling, our abilities have been underestimated throughout history. Even by ourselves. The "it" of "it" may be a carrot of less nutritional value than estimated, and in fact rejected by astute women who know themselves well enough not to be lured by ephemera, and who value what they do have already without having to hyper-extend their reach.

But for those who believe that fulfillment can only be attained by stretching their limits, they should be allowed to do so without criticism and with our sisterly support. Their innate wisdom will let them know when "it" is not worth it. Or they will find that "it" is and enjoy the moment. Personally, I am far less judgmental and more pragmatic in my dotage, now that I've already had "it" all. 

WHAT WILL GIVE YOUR RETIREMENT LIFE MEANING AND PURPOSE?

ARLENE'S MUSINGS


WHAT WILL GIVE YOUR RETIREMENT LIFE MEANING AND PURPOSE?


It is Monday morning 8:00 a.m. EST in North Carolina and my husband Ed and I just returned from Top Sail Beach where we walk a mile every Monday morning from May through August as part of the Turtle Watch Volunteer Program. Our mission is to look for giant turtle tracks in the sand, evidence that a female turtle has come ashore in the night, sometimes crawling 30 - 40 inches, to prepare a nest and then lay approximately 80 -100 precious eggs. These nests have to be identified immediately and protected carefully from predators, as once the hatchlings surface (60 - 90 days later) very few actually make it back to the ocean. Of those that do return to the ocean only 1 in 1,000 survive to maturity. 


This weekly activity fills me with a sense of MEANING AND PURPOSE. It is an opportunity to make a contribution, have fun and get some exercise at the same time. I participate in other volunteer  activities that also fills my need for MEANING AND PURPOSE in my retirement life. I tutor at the Middle School and visit with a stroke victim on a weekly basis (through my participation in the Retired Seniors Volunteer Program, RSVP in my area).


Reflecting on my current life, I realized that I am living a multi-dimensional retirement life, as a retiree and as an encore careerist (doing retirement coaching and facilitating workshops). Both avenues provide me with the MEANING AND PURPOSE that I might have lost if I hadn't personally discovered how critically important this is to my sense of self  and happiness.  Of course, I knew the importance of finding meaning and purpose on an intellectual level, read about it in the research and stress it in all my retirement seminars ( "HOW TO LIVE YOUR BEST RETIREMENT LIFE" and "THE NEW RETIREMENT: Focusing On The Non-Financial Aspects Of Retirement"). However, I am truly experiencing it in "real-time" now.  Each of us has to remember that one of the keys to living a "Successful" Retirement Life is to discover what will give us MEANING AND PURPOSE and a sense of fulfillment and happiness.


In YOUR PERSONAL SURVIVAL TOOLKIT section of out book and in the workshops we emphasize the importance of redefining "SUCCESS" in your retirement life and using THE THREE QUESTIONS OF RETIREMENT LIFE and THE WHEEL OF RETIREMENT LIFE exercises to help you create your own definition.


Here are some additional questions for you to ponder. Please share your thoughts and stories with us on the blog.


WHAT WILL GIVE YOUR RETIREMENT LIFE MEANING AND PURPOSE?
HOW WILL YOU DEFINE "SUCCESS" IN RETIREMENT?

THE THREE QUESTIONS OF RETIREMENT LIFE

Arlene's Musings

Welcome Bloggers. Now that our book has been released, we are ready to focus on our Blog. We are delighted to have you join us and contribute to our Blog Conversation about your experiences transitioning to retirement or creating an encore career. We trust that you will find our Blog useful and fun.


My personal contribution to out Blog will be two-fold. First, I am an active retiree (semi-retired) and have experienced and am currently experiencing the actual event in "real-time" and am familiar with the psychological and emotional issues and concerns of those of you who are transitioning to retirement or have recently retired. Second, as a certified retirement coach and career/professional coach, for those of you who want to create encore careers or part-time employment, I will enthusiastically share my knowledge of career transition concepts.  For those of you who are transitioning to retirement, I hope our book and our blog will assist you in making a successful transition to a retirement life filled with meaning and purpose.


START ANY SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION BY ANSWERING THE THREE QUESTIONS OF LIFE


Retiring or creating an encore career should be viewed by you as the next career development stage or the next chapter of your life. Therefore, transitioning to this next stage should follow the same concepts first introduced by early Career Development Gurus who emphasized the importance of knowing and answering three basic questions before making a career decision. I was first introduced to these questions when I was going through a traumatic divorce thirty years ago and my counselor pushed me into a Career Development Workshop at the University of Utah to find as new direction. Little did I know that attending this workshop would have a lasting impact on my subsequent life...First, I noticed that everyone in the workshop was in crisis. I learned that the average person spent more time deciding what type of car to purchase than deciding on their first career choice. I was lucid enough to realize that a time of crisis is not the best time to make important decisions like this. Second, the workshop helped me to discover a future personal path and also was my introduction to the field of Career Development and the importance o f purposeful planning (hopefully when you are not in crisis).
Although these questions were originally introduced as Career Development questions, I soon discovered that they were valuable LIFE questions and could and should be used before any type of decision making and transitioning. I have consistently used them in my own life and in coaching others. Now, that I am retired, I have adapted the questions to RETIREMENT LIFE.  The Three Questions of Retirement Life are introduced in YOUR PERSONAL SURVIVAL TOOLKIT in our book. Here are the Questions for you to begin to ponder:
1. WHO AM I NOW?
2. WHAT DO I WANT?
3. HOW DO I GET THERE?
Only after you do some self-assessment and introspection can you be ready to move forward to discover your unique path to a successful, meaningful and exciting future. Check future postings for more ideas.
WELCOME TO THE DISCUSSION!
Arlene

To all our readers: The co-authors of "The Empty Desk Survival Guide" welcome your survival stories and your questions about encore careers or retirement options. We have finished the guide and will be excerpting stories from it over the next several months, hoping to offer you inspiration and practical information you can use as you navigate through these unknown waters.

Surviving The Empty Desk Syndrome

Coming SOON!

Visit this site for inspiration and sound advice! Tell us your story!

This blog is a sounding board for successful professional women who not only are experiencing the "empty nest" but as they approach -- or pass through -- retirement, have to confront the "empty desk" and all that goes with it -- loss of identity, authority, perception of self-worth.

The authors of a proposed book dealing with this subject matter have broad experience in retirement counseling, leadership development, human relations and communications. Their bios will be posted here shortly. They invite your comments as this blog launches, with sincere hopes that together, women can not only survive but THRIVE as they exit the corporate corridors and trade the power lunches for new vistas and challenges.

Barbara Bannon
Arlene Chemers
Marylove Thralls

Still the boss - of me!

The first inkling I had of what it might feel like not to be actively engaged in a career, occurred when I was recovering from surgery (female-type) and home for six weeks recuperating. Mind you, I was still chairing a city-wide "Walk for Mankind" event that would involve several thousand people and all the myriad details of committees and sponsors and vendors, permits, etc. But I was not physically at my office doing my "real" job. I remember one morning, when I was actually feeling like my old self pretty much -- just not up to a full day upright. It was shortly after nine in the morning, and I was standing at the window in my living room, looking out at the street. All the cars that had been parked in driveways up and down the road the night before, now were gone. No children were playing or riding bicycles in the street. It was unnaturally quiet. A stray cat wandered by, and that was the only living thing in sight. It seemed as though every house was empty but mine. I had never felt so completely alone. Invisible. Redundant.

Now, two decades later, I contemplate the approach of another period of "confinement" when I am no longer "the boss". How do women who have been used to being in positions of authority, adjust to not being in charge -- of anything but their own lives. That should be a positive enough situation for a take-charge female, but I do not find a roadmap for this emotional journey, and have begun this blog to chronicle the paths that others have trod before me and invite you, dear reader, to share your thoughts about how we lady "boomers" should prepare for the inevitable: retirement. Oh, sure... we want to travel, spend time with far-flung family and all that. But what about that company you gave so much of yourself to, moving on without blinking an eye? What about the realization that you REALLY are replaceable. It's your turn to be turned out and like yesterday's news, you'll be missed for all of 10 minutes.

I don't think I'm being too pessimistic: I love being part of a decision-making team, finding creative solutions, etc. and I think there are legions of other women out there, who have become accustomed to being the "go-to" in-charge person. (Sure, volunteerism is great, but it's not the same!) I think also, that women have been ill-prepared for retirement, and unlike men (who may harbor equally emotional reactions), I do think we feel loss on a much deeper level. I want to be ready with a plan, so I am curious about how those who have walked this path, or who are contemplating the journey in the next few years, are dealing with it...I invite your thoughts!