Still the boss - of me!

The first inkling I had of what it might feel like not to be actively engaged in a career, occurred when I was recovering from surgery (female-type) and home for six weeks recuperating. Mind you, I was still chairing a city-wide "Walk for Mankind" event that would involve several thousand people and all the myriad details of committees and sponsors and vendors, permits, etc. But I was not physically at my office doing my "real" job. I remember one morning, when I was actually feeling like my old self pretty much -- just not up to a full day upright. It was shortly after nine in the morning, and I was standing at the window in my living room, looking out at the street. All the cars that had been parked in driveways up and down the road the night before, now were gone. No children were playing or riding bicycles in the street. It was unnaturally quiet. A stray cat wandered by, and that was the only living thing in sight. It seemed as though every house was empty but mine. I had never felt so completely alone. Invisible. Redundant.

Now, two decades later, I contemplate the approach of another period of "confinement" when I am no longer "the boss". How do women who have been used to being in positions of authority, adjust to not being in charge -- of anything but their own lives. That should be a positive enough situation for a take-charge female, but I do not find a roadmap for this emotional journey, and have begun this blog to chronicle the paths that others have trod before me and invite you, dear reader, to share your thoughts about how we lady "boomers" should prepare for the inevitable: retirement. Oh, sure... we want to travel, spend time with far-flung family and all that. But what about that company you gave so much of yourself to, moving on without blinking an eye? What about the realization that you REALLY are replaceable. It's your turn to be turned out and like yesterday's news, you'll be missed for all of 10 minutes.

I don't think I'm being too pessimistic: I love being part of a decision-making team, finding creative solutions, etc. and I think there are legions of other women out there, who have become accustomed to being the "go-to" in-charge person. (Sure, volunteerism is great, but it's not the same!) I think also, that women have been ill-prepared for retirement, and unlike men (who may harbor equally emotional reactions), I do think we feel loss on a much deeper level. I want to be ready with a plan, so I am curious about how those who have walked this path, or who are contemplating the journey in the next few years, are dealing with it...I invite your thoughts!